Right Intentions or the Right Words?
It’s an instinct for most people to say encouraging words or advice when they see a person in distress. Being an average human being, I am no exception to this rule as well. Although, whenever I reach out to console any person who seems nervous say before an exam or who appears distressed over a breakup, I always face the same dilemma- do I speak my mind or just gloss over the details?
More often than not, it’s a tough choice. Consider this scenario, your best friend just had a big brawl with her boyfriend and asks you for advice. After listening to her over an hour over the phone, you finally reach the conclusion that the guy in question is a complete jerk and sticking with him is a kind of punishment that you would not even subject to your greatest enemy, let alone your best friend. So, here comes the million dollar question…do you speak your mind about this guy or offer to say something that soothes her instead?
Bluntly pointing out that the guy is a complete waste of time might seem the right thing to do but you also have to keep in mind the amount of hurt that will cause to your friend. You might even run the risk of ruining your friendship with her. See, now that’s what I mean, when I say that it’s always a ‘catch-22’ situation when it comes in choosing between the ‘right words’ or the ‘right intention’.
Again consider this, your results have just come out and you find out that one of your classmates did poorly in a paper. You know that one of the reasons that he did not do well is because he was lazying around with his friends. You decide that you should talk some sense into him right then and march off to him. After hearing a full-fledged lecture from you, he glares at you and looks like he is about to knock you over with his heavy fists. However, he decides against it (lucky for you) and storms out of the room. If he was looking distressed before your lecture, he looks positively depressed after it. So much for the right intentions!
Over the years, I have had my fair share of being in such sticky situations, sometimes I have squeezed myself pretty smoothly while sometimes I have barely managed to wiggle out. However, the more I have thought about this, it had occurred to me that the easiest solution to this problem is not choosing between the two but by balancing them. For ‘right words’ spoken without the ‘right intentions’, sound hollow. On the other hand, ‘right intentions’ phrased in ‘wrong words’ never bring the desired effects.
With passing of time, you learn that some days you have to carefully balance the two, some days you just get lucky while some days all you need is a huge hug to cheer up the person!!!
